Day 39: Terrible Pain

It was a terribly painful day for Krista. It started with a loss of appetite. Appetite isn't quite the right word for it since she said that she wanted to eat; it was just that nothing sounded good. She tried a piece of toast but could only take one bite before sending it back. The meal shake I made tasted strange to her. (Chemo can do strange things to taste buds.) She asked for a hard boiled egg but could only eat a third of it - and eventually threw that up. I bought all manner of soft foods but those weren't going to work yet. It was quite discouraging for her.

Later she had a different kind if pain localized to her stomach. I gave her some Imodium to stop the intestinal flushing that was starting and that seems to have worked. 

But this generalized pain just won't stop. It's kept her in bed all day. Aside from the pain meds she's only been able to take the morning dose of hydrocortisone. There's a cup full of pills she missed because of it. Praying that tomorrow is better.

Be gracious to me, O Lord,
for I am pining away;
Heal me, O Lord,
for my bones are dismayed.
And my soul is greatly dismayed;
But You, O Lord—how long?
Return, O Lord, rescue my soul;
Save me because of Your lovingkindness.
(Psalm 6:2-4)

Day 38: Rushing

My phone ran out of  battery overnight. This is not a typical thing for me since I am usually very diligent to keep it charged between 20 and 80 percent. Last night, however, I accidentally left my charging cable in the car. I had intended to get it early in the morning so my phone could partially charge before breakfast, but I slept in and we needed to get there before the buffet closed. We ate our breakfast and were just about done when the waiter beckoned me to come with him and said that my wife wanted me. I thought he must have had the wrong person, and I explained to him that it couldn't be my wife because she was in the hospital. He laughed and said, "No, she's on the telephone!"  Krista had been trying to call me, because she was being discharged today. It was quite frustrating for her since I wasn't reachable, and somehow she managed to track me down to the breakfast room of the hotel. Krista is a very resourceful woman!

Everything worked out well, though I was a bit rushed all day.  (I think the rest of the world was rushed too, with all the Black Friday activity.) The boys got in a swim while I showered and packed. The hotel was kind enough to cancel our last night's stay without the proper 24-hour notice. I picked up her medicines from two different pharmacies and fed the kids what they were craving 20 minutes away. (Why are there no Chick-Fil-A's in the Pasadena area?)

Krista is at home now, tired and still recovering a bit, but since her medical condition is stable there's no reason to keep her in the hospital. It's good to be home, though there was a rush there also to get the house sanitized again so Krista could avoid having to go back again. I'm looking forward to a good night's rest in my own bed!

Surely everyone goes around like a mere phantom;
in vain they rush about, heaping up wealth
without knowing whose it will finally be.
But now, Lord, what do I look for?
My hope is in you.
(Psalm 39:6-7)

Day 37: Too Short

Krista's pain problems continued today. That made visits a little difficult. It didn't help that the boys and I didn't sleep well last night. We visited twice, each time for a short spurt. We tried to play games, but between Krista's pain and the boys tiredness thing just weren't working. We took a nap at the hotel and ate dinner out because Krista warned us that the turkey special at the hospital wasn't good. I had a good talk with the boys this evening about compassion from the following verse. 

[Jesus speaking] "But go and learn what this means: ‘I desire compassion, and not sacrifice,’ for I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

(Matthew 9:13)

Day 36: Recovering

Krista's condition is improving as she recovers at the City of Hope. The lab results have not come back so there haven't been many changes in the technique, which is primarily IV antibiotics.

The oncologist said that if she is able to keep the fever down for 2 days then she can go. They stopped giving her Tylenol earlier today, so the afternoon she had fever-free counts toward her release. I don't know if this will complicate the situation but this evening when we visited her blood pressure was too high. I think it was because of the pain level she was experiencing, but they treated it directly with a blood pressure reducer. Her pain was quite bad but it was too early was to get more pain killer so she was just going to have to wait it out. The pain specialist has been stopping by twice a day, so maybe tomorrow he'll be able to adjust the dose again.

The oncologist also had some good news for after she get discharged. He wants Krista to be able to be more independent in taking care of herself. He clarified that the role of caretaker doesn't have to be a 24/7 presence with her; it just needs to be someone who can be available to help, even a neighbor or a nearby friend. That will make it much easier if we are at home, as I should be able to go into work from time to time. Of course, the best thing would be to stay locally after that but we're still on the waiting list for the Village since it's still booked. The hotel the boys and I are staying at is really nice, newish, and clean. It would be great to keep her here, but it doesn't have cooking facilities. We'll have to see what will work as she gets closer to release.

Cast your cares on the Lord
and he will sustain you;
he will never let
the righteous be shaken.
(Psalm 55:22)

Day 35: Back Down

It  wasn't too much longer after I completed the last post that everything changed. Krista woke up at 1 am with a sore throat and a fever. We called the triage nurse at the City of Hope who asked about previous symptoms. They were particularly interested in the vomiting incident yesterday, and in the fever-less chills she felt the same day. Apparently these are all pointers that it's time to have them check her out. We had her in the car by 1:30 am, and almost as soon as she got in she had another instant vomit without warning. She felt a little better afterward and didn't have any incident afterward.  The freeways are amazingly empty at that time of night.  They ran labs on her and we rested a bit -- though rather uncomfortably.

Krista had been experiencing some rashing in the last few days, mainly around the chest and some of the forehead. Overnight, the rash grew to almost all over.  Her legs and forearms were particularly bad, but the chest and forehead were worse than we previously noticed. Oddly the back was not affected. The doctors couldn't detect any immediate signs of infection (though the longer-term growth tests haven't been developed yet). Also her platelets weren't unusually low, so the rash is not likely to be petichia (tiny dots that spontaneously appear when platelets are very low). The most likely guess is that the rash is due to GVHD and perhaps some kind of infection triggered it. They took a skin biopsy to verify, but again, we haven't yet heard the results.

Whatever the results come back as, Krista is going to be staying in the hospital for at least a couple of days - perhaps a week if necessary. This is really sad, as we had hoped to be able to have Thanksgiving together at home. So to make up for it, I got a hotel reservation for me and the boys down there. We'll head down tomorrow and spend a few days. We may not be able to cook but at least we'll be together!

Two are better than one,
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered,
two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
(Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Day 34: Hard To Stomach

Today was a rougher day for Krista. She hasn't been feeling very good because of the pain. The pain specialist ordered an increase in her base dose of pain killer, but she has to wait until she goes down for her checkup appointment tomorrow at the City of Hope to pick it up from their pharmacy. I ordered the special "MG plus protein" magnesium supplements (which are supposed to be more easily digested) online because none of the local stores carried anything like it. In the meantime, we gave her some regular magnesium pills which she threw up within 5 minutes. The incident may not have been directly related to the pills, but she hasn't thrown up in a long time so it's a bit suspicious. They'll check her magnesium levels tomorrow and might have to give her a magnesium transfusion. Praying for wisdom for the doctors and safety for the journey.

Remember your word to your servant,
for you have given me hope.
My comfort in my suffering is this:
Your promise preserves my life.
(Psalm 119:49-50)

Day 33: Two Quick Things

It's late and I have to wake up early tomorrow for meetings, so I need to make this quick. Krista's doing very well, but is experiencing more generalized body pain recently. The pain medicine had been working well until now, but now she's only getting an hour or two of relief ever four hours. She's contacting the pain specialist to find out what can be done about this. Also, we need to get her some magnesium supplements, as one of the medicines she's taking depletes her body of magnesium. There are specific recommendations for the type, so tomorrow we'll start looking where we can get that.

Praise the Lord, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the Lord, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
(Psalm 103:1-5)