Guest Writer

Hi Everyone,

Krista has had terrible pain today and is unable to make her normal post -- or even dictate it. So I (Mike) am going to write it for her.

Praise God for small mercies... the eye patch did the trick, and the moisturizers have helped ease the pain. In the eyes, at least. No more eye patch needed!

But, today brought on a new set of symptoms: mouth inflammation with blistering gums, and a migraine headache. Once again, there doesn't seem to be any relief for either of these. The inflammation has made it difficult for her to eat. The headache was so bad that when I saw her earlier, she could hardly hold her head up even though her eyes were able to open about half-way. They eventually gave her a CAT scan to check for bleeding in the brain -- the scan came out negative.

As the new painful trial began, Krista discovered that the power-supply to her laptop went out. Frustrated with this onslaught of problems with all her facilities for communication (eyes, mouth, computer) -- "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I (Jesus) have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." (John 10:10) -- she managed to get one last email out to the homeschooling list: does anyone have an extra power-supply? Within minutes of posting the request, Cheryl G. (without checking her email) felt like she should call Krista to find out how she was doing. Krista told her about her frustrations and Cheryl "happened" to have the right power-supply!

We don't believe in coincidences. This is just a small example of God demonstrating His love for Krista, even in the smallest of things. He cares about the big and small things in your life, too! He's just a prayer away. What will you trust Him for today?

I will be glad and rejoice in your love,
for you saw my affliction
and knew the anguish of my soul.

You have not handed me over to the enemy
but have set my feet in a spacious place.

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress;
my eyes grow weak with sorrow,
my soul and my body with grief.

--Psalm 31:7-9 (from the Psalm that God showed Krista in a dream durring her meager 2 hours of sleep last night)

My Field Trip Today

I had a good night sleep, but once again woke up with searing pain in eyes. My doctors got me into an actual ophthalmologist's office by noon. This time the transporters were EMTs who took me by stretcher to a waiting ambulance outside of ER, then a quiet ride 3 blocks away to the Eye Center - that was a fun twist. I guess they thought this would be the most efficient way to keep me out of the sun too long.

The doctor put numbing drops in my eyes which immediately helped them feel better, telling the doctor that it was a surface problem and not a problem behind the eye. Then he looked all over them with this and that and said, "If you picked your cornea with a pin, it would hurt, but your cornea looks like hundreds of pin pricks." Oh, so that is why it felt like razor blades in my eyes! What a relief that it is due to the chemo and is fixable and not due to an infection or chemical meningitis.

The solution is lots and lots of good eye drops and ointment, and covering one eye with a patch after putting the ointment in my eye. That seems to be helping so far, at least with the pain. Tomorrow I'll switch eyes, and keep doing this until it's healed. The uncovered eye will receive drops or ointment every half hour.

The other discomfort that has started is in my mouth - a mucositis from the chemo. Swollen cheeks and gums, pain and stinging, but no sores, thankfully. It is beginning to interfere with eating though so please pray that this doesn't get worse and just clears up miraculously.

I received this note from a friend of a friend who's young loved one is fighting a brain tumor. I wanted to share what she said with you because it's just how I feel about my own current battle. Here's what she said, "This trial has strengthened my conviction that a foundation of faith in anything other than Christ will not stand up to tribulations. It reminds me of a sermon my college pastor preached a few weeks ago on Matthew 7:24-27:
The Wise and Foolish Builders
"Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash."

The stark contrast between the consequences of the wise man who built his house on the rock and the fool who built his house on the sand is evident. The trials will come regardless of the foundation, but quality of the foundation will determine the outcome. Notice that the difference is between one who hears and does Christ's words, and one who merely hears and does nothing. Had I not constantly reminded myself of God's Word and changed my attitude and perspective accordingly, I would probably be an emotional and spiritual wreck now, questioning the faithfulness and sovereignty of God. So I want to ask, how do you face trials? What is your foundation built upon?"

That ends my friend's letter, but I pose to you a similar question... are you saved? Do you want to have that firm foundation that the Bible speaks about? I would love to talk with you about this if you're not sure. You never know when your foundation will be tested, but eventually it will.

Movin' On Up

I have just been switched to the VIP Room (room 25 because my nurses love me so much :_) Actually, the reason being that my former neighbor was very loud and his large and extended family just gathered outside my room in the elevator area partying away, not heeding the polite requests to move their shindig to the patio. So I'm in a really nice room now, one that had been remodeled, has a nicer view and is very "feng shui" - which I call anything that feels and looks good.

It's right next to the family room too which is convenient for my kids who are over there playing Pictionary right now. I can even hear them talking about it with my door open. If you're looking for me you'll just pass the nurses' station and head straight back.

My eyes have been closed all day and even now I type blindly - Mike will tell me how many errors I made on this blog before he corrects it for me and sends it out. I think I'm doing well, but who knows? The consensus seems to be that my eyes had been so severely dried out by the chemo that I got scratches on my corneas... these feel like razor blades int he eyes and I sent out prayer requests like crazy this morning. It improved in that as long as I keep my eyes closed it's not too bad, and when I open them it stings. I'm just going to have to wait patiently on the Lord for this one -- and He'll hear my cry.

Please pray for my mucositis - something that happens as a result of the chemo. It causes swelling and pain in my mouth, but I don't have blisters thank God. I am entering the low period and these thing are to be expected. I just forgot about it. God is good at erasing our memory of bad things so we don't feel apprehensive and can trust Him more easily, doing the hard things in life that we normally wouldn't choose.

I will be getting 2 units of blood this evening as I'm dipping lower on the hemoglobin. Oh and a crazy thing happened today where my blood pressure dropped really low... each day my doctors were giving me potassium because it was normal and they wanted to make sure it stayed normal, but then it was too high this a.m. 5.5 (vs. 5.1 which is high normal). It can affect your heart so they were very nervous even though I had no heart arrhythmia. So they wanted to inject Lasix - a diuretic that helps remove the excess potassium. I initially tried to refuse it, seeing that it would probably lower my low blood pressure and and figured if I just stopped taking potassium I could pee it out naturally and solve the problem. Well, the doctor felt it was too dangerous to be left to chance and gave it to me anyway. Guess what? My blood pressure dropped dangerously low, like 72/57 or something like that, and I felt horrible. They filled me with quick saline bags and had to do it a couple times, plus run my IV saline full strength and double speed. Seems to have improved, but boy, did I know my body in this case.

So I hope that this post is not too whiny for you, just giving you the low down on my difficult day, so you can pray specifically. We're still waiting for an ophthalmologist who come with her equipment, but we feel we know what the problem is now and just have to wait it out, maybe getting some numbing eye drops instead of pain medication.

God bless you folks and I can't wait to have visitors when I feel better again in my very own VIP room. I'll let you know when that is or you can call first. If I don't answer, it's because I'm too tired, so wait to hear back from me.

Let me know if you were able to go the Avacado Festival to register for the bone marrow registry - a great opportunity this weekend! Feel free to leave comments.


But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.
-- 1 Peter 4:13

Posting with the Help of Mike

My eyes showed a little improvement in that I could close them and not be suffering. I am currently typing this blog post with my eyes shut. (Very Dr. Seusian of me!) My husband is here to fix any errors before I send it off though :)

The pain was so bad last night before an early bedtime for me that I required medication to get through it and it helped me immensely, but left a strangely alert sleep in its wake. I was up every hour to two feeling relaxed, but it was a false sense of restfulness come morning.

I actually managed to get on a Coast-to-Coast conference call which we do every other week for our business at 7:30 a.m. Unfortunately I was not all there and fell asleep due to the medication, and woke up a half hour later with my cell battery dying. Once I plugged back in and redialed, I caught the last 5 minutes. I'm glad they said they were archiving the call (little did they know I was one who would need that service today!)

So all day long I have been resting my eyes which is an improvement over yesterday because I couldn't even close my eyes without excruciating discomfort. Hopefully more improvement will come and I'll be able to open them. If there is no improvement by Monday, they might do a spinal tap to rule out leukemic cells in the CNS fluid, but that's very unlikely. I don't think my doctor will want to do that unless certain other symptoms exist, which they don't. He just happened to leave for the week out of town yesterday.

Remember when I told you that the room service is catered to your door breakfast, lunch and dinner? Sometimes, the tray even makes it past the threshold and right to my bedside - those are great times! Well, I just learned why I am finding the food SO outstanding this time around... it's like eating at a Four Season Restaurant every day (off their healthy menu of course)! Only in Santa Barbara would you have such high quality "hospital" food. Apparently, a couple of years ago, the head chef at the Four Seasons Biltmore came on as Cottage Hospital's head chef. HE kept the same menus they've had for years, but tweaked them with his own creative flair, new and better spices and flavors and even the presentation is great. There are other restaurants out there people, so stay away from this secret sweet spot unless you absolutely NEED it.

So how did everyone spend their soccer-free Saturday? My family came in to see me and the boys watched a movie in the Family Room. Later they're going down to the cafeteria for their dinner while I eat mine. Feel free to comment on how you spent your day this weekend. Did anyone go tot the Avacado Festival? They're having free bone marrow donor testing and registration at the Avacado Festival and our friend Dominic Balli was playing there last night - did anyone catch his soulful reggae? Friends who went on the field trip to Anacapa Island, how was that yesterday?

Help me, O Lord my God;
save me in accordance with your love.
Let them know that it is your hand,
that You, O Lord, have done it.
Psalm 108:26-27

Eyes Suffering, Praise and Prayer

I had a hard night last night with my eyes feeling so horrible - swollen, dry, cloudy vision, a gritty feeling under the lids, they want to close automatically, but then closing them makes the sensations worse. It kept me up all night and seemed to worsen by the hour all day today.

The doctors thought it could be a swelling in the brain due to the toxic effects of chemo (called chemical meningitis). So I got an MRI. The transporter wheeled me all the way downstairs, out the doors and into the street, around the ambulances at ER, side by side with a moving car, to a trailer where they put me on an elevated platform. With the bright light, and how my vision was cloudy, seeing the white coats waiting above, I felt like I was being taken for testing by aliens in an episode of X-files!

The MRI was a half hour long torture session, but I prayed and sang songs to the Lord in my heart the whole time, promising to praise His name aloud when it was all through. It was a sweet time in that place despite the agony - it was like He met me there and swept me away at times to get my mind off of where I was and how I felt. You bet I praised His name when they finally wheeled me out, telling the MRI worker that Jesus helped me through that one - He really did! I felt like He just wanted her to know.

So, long story short, the MRI turned out NORMAL - no swelling of the brain, praise God! The next possibility, which was likely, was that I had an infection in my upper eye lids. Well, the ophthalmologist came by for her examination and said nope, doesn't look like an infection, just SEVERELY dry eyes, absolutely no tears in them whatsoever. She also threw out a fancy phrase - Myasthenia Gravis - which I'm not sure about, but I think it means the eyelid muscles are weak for some reason and it's really hard to keep my eyes open. So the good news is no infection or brain swelling! For now, I need to put preservative-free drops in my eyes every hour. She gave me a sample box, but my nurse said the pharmacy doesn't carry these things, so I might have to get contraband eye drops from my husband. Strange pharmacy not to carry such things, when across the street is a really good pharmacy (L.M. Caldwell).

So please pray for my eyes - it still feels so badly, and I have just enough in me to get this post out.

Psalm 119:73-77
Your hands made me and formed me;
give me understanding to learn your commands.

May those who fear you rejoice when they see me,
for I have put my hope in your word.

I know, O LORD, that your laws are righteous,
and in faithfulness you have afflicted me.

May your unfailing love be my comfort,
according to your promise to your servant.

Let your compassion come to me that I may live,
for your law is my delight.

Different Kind of Day

Today was a strange day with not the normal staff assigned to my room - a traveling nurse and a floater nurse's aide - my lot for being so "easy" right now...ha. But, it makes me appreciate, even more, the wonderful 6th Central nurses who have become so close to me.

I took a walk to the patio with today's temperatures being so nice and I went all the way to the other side where you can sit facing the ocean and feel with breeze on your face. I sat there for awhile and just prayed as the Lord led me. It was a sweet time.

Not long after I returned to my room, two pastors from my church gave me a surprise visit (it was a surprise to me anyway - sometimes I'm too tired to remember plans!) We had a nice time catching up after their last visit and they prayed for me.

My family was not able to come for a visit today for a variety of reasons, but they are well and had a great morning doing school at the Steffen's house -- Thanks Alyssa!

Adam already sounds older on the phone as he shared with me about the fun time he had at a pizza party after soccer practice this evening. I had a conversation with Trevor that went like this:

Trevor: Remember when I told you that Captain John Smith is dead?
Me: Yes
Trevor: Well, he's alive now.
Me: Ok, you tell me about that tomorrow when I see you.

(Trevor is 6 and is reading a chapter book on Pocahontas, so I'm very curious about this twist in the biography, LOL!) Both boys are reading it as their current "read-alone" (vs. read aloud) book for school as we're studying the Native Americans right now, and they were both fascinated with the fact that John Smith's boat blew up and he was killed. I actually didn't know that, and maybe that is what Trevor's talking about as the story unfolds - maybe it was thought to have happened but they find him later, I don't know! I just love learning with my children. Please don't let your kids learn history from Disney movies. :) (Actually, I never saw the Disney movie, but am assuming that they didn't blow up John Smith, LOL)

So I missed my family today, but will see them tomorrow (Friday) yay! And I'm all gussied up with a shower and clean hair, imagine that! Feels so good - visitors take note: come soon after showers for freshest Krista experience :)

Praise: My white blood cells had increased .2 - I'll take them any way I get 'em!

Prayer: Please pray for my eyes as it seems the Decadron drops that I had to put in my eyes 2x per day started doing something that caused them to feel scratchy, blurry and super sensitive. I could hardly open my eyes tonight and am thankful for my kind nurse Kristi for helping me by washing them out with saline so I could get this post done before bed. Pray for my mucous membranes to be miraculously restored and/or unaffected - side effects of the chemo. And for my white blood cells to begin rebuilding on their own.

Lamentations 3:21-33

21 Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."

25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;

26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.

28 Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.

29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.

30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.

31 For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.

32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.

33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.

Today on 6th Central - Stable Blood Work, My Day & Your Homework!

It is truly amazing to me how stable my blood work has been, especially my hemoglobin which has not dropped, but has hovered at 10.4 (11 is considered low normal). Thank you for your prayers. I have only had 2 units of blood since I've been here (I think it was right after surgery). Praise God!

My platelets are also very stable and I've received a couple of HLA-typed platelets this week just because they had them and they were going to expire anyway. My body has not rejected them and my current count is 75K (150K is the low normal).

I think I'm beginning to lose my golden locks because it's starting to get tangled on the back of my hair. Thinking of calling my hairstylist to come in here and cut it shorter for now, but don't know if I'm ready yet. I like how long my hair finally got!

This morning I had a visitor and I proudly took her down the hall to the amazing terrace patio on the roof which has sweeping views of the Santa Barbara Mission all around to the harbor. On a clear day you can see the Channel Islands of course. I lasted about 5 minutes in what felt like 90 degree weather out there - what a surprise! Back to the room we went and I didn't last much longer before I needed a heat-sapped nap!

The boys came in today for a visit at 3 pm, and I took them to the Family Room to watch Tarzan with me, Adam and I sharing a wide chair and Trevor next to me on the other side. Mike was able to go back home and get some work done during that time. It is so nice living in Santa Barbara while going through this instead of in Buellton which is 45+ min. from the hospital and where we lived 3 years ago. That was nearly impossible. The boys seem happy to be able to see me every day, especially Adam who is older. Trevor does not like wearing his mask though! I can't wait until my white blood count is normal again so no more masks for visitors!

Ready for your homework? Feel free to mail me a photo of your family to add to my nice black foam core which I have in my room waiting to pin your photos to! It's my own board so I'll take it with me to UCLA too when I go there. When it gets filled it is SUCH a room brightener and I get to show all the nurses what wonderful friends and family I have! They like to hear the stories and I like telling them :) Don't have my address? No problem. 5069 Oleander Place, Santa Barbara, CA 93111

So a pretty uneventful day don't you think? That's a good thing. My doctor keeps saying what a breeze I'm making it and I just point to the Lord, while he knocks on all the fake wood in the room. My hope is in the Lord!

I like the way Psalm 63 sounds in the King James and it really spoke to me this morning:

O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is; To see thy power and thy glory, so as I have seen thee in the sanctuary. Because thy lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise thee. Thus will I bless thee while I live: I will lift up my hands in thy name. My soul shall be satisfied as with marrow and fatness; and my mouth shall praise thee with joyful lips: When I remember thee upon my bed, and meditate on thee in the night watches. Because thou hast been my help, therefore in the shadow of thy wings will I rejoice...