Thursday, October 23, 2008

Better Days and Great News

I had to blog tonight to tell you how each day is getting better and BETTER. Sunday afternoon and evening saw a major turnaround from my down-in-the-dumps feeling that I felt Saturday and early Sunday morning.

The encouragement I received really seemed to do the trick and got me back on track with living in the knowledge of the Truth that God is with me every step of the way. I knew that, but I wasn't living in the that...I was living as if the opposite it were true. And that's no good for anyone.

It is friends' notes like this one that do my soul a lot of GOOD: Even Jesus cried out from the cross, "My God , my God , why have you forsaken me?" It is OK to have intense feelings and to voice them...even feelings of desperation and anger...but you don't make your home there. You are on a pilgrimage with the Lord and despite the feelings and ups and downs you are going from strength to strength.

I love Psalm 84:5-7

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. As they pass through the valley of Baca , they make it a place of springs. The autumn rains also cover it with with pools. They go from strength to strength until each appears before God in Zion."

I love it because Baca means tears and those tears also become a place of refreshing. Even now in your weakest physical state the Lord says you are going from strength to strength. It's OK to be weak because HE is our strength...we are going from His strength to His strength

Thank you my dear friend Michelle for that incredible reminder that feeling badly is ok, that He is our strength when we are weak. I will continue to seek Him and call out to Him in my despair.

But that was early in the week, and now Friday is upon us. I mentioned each day has been better than the day before. It's amazing to be doing so well at this point. I have no idea what next week holds, but I'm thankful for the progress I've seen. And my blood work came back very stable on Wednesday. My white blood count is 5.1, hemoglobin was 10.4, and platelets were an amazing 210k. I also had a bone marrow biopsy on Wednesday and got the news back that it looks bone marrow had no leukemic cells and we're on track for UCLA. I go there Tuesday for my first consultation. I'm thrilled that my specialist at UCLA, Dr. Gary Schiller, is an international expert on leukemia...that's all he does and he's the best! So, I'm in great hands at UCLA! We'll visit with friends while we're down there too. My mom and her husband Glen arrived Thursday and will be able to stay with the kids when we go. They brought their large RV and have made home in our front yard!

On the kid front, Trevor and Adam are the best of friends and have been getting along SO well! I have really been enjoying their conversations and all the laughter we've shared in the last few days! The other night we spent at least a half hour trying out British accents, which I'm infamous for (how hilariously bad my accent is - a cross between Bangladesh and Texan!) Adam who is really against this whole business of British accents has the best one of all and should really be doing plays. Trevor is definitely an aficionado of the British accent, but sounds either Scottish or Australian sometimes, taking after his mother, but still much better than she!

This will warm your heart: One morning when breakfast was served and Trevor came to the counter bar to eat with Adam, he said, "I want to sit next to my best buddy." Awwwww! That even really made Adam smile when Mike was telling me about it later at lunch after our deep conversation about Trevor's loyalties. Trevor was outside drawing a lemon tree that struck his fancy this a.m., so he didn't know we were gushing about him.

Talk to you soon...I've enjoyed seeing you as you drop off meals and visit. You are the dearest friends! You might think when you see me with my full head of hair (yes!), my pale, but upbeat and seemingly normal self, that I might not really need your help. On the contrary! I suck it up for you and when I talk I feel "outside myself," thoroughly enjoying the whole time together! Then after you leave, it all comes rushing back, woooomph! Please don't let that stop you're visiting with me because I really enjoy the "outside myself" feeling! Much of the day I have to rest and cannot be "up" which is why my husband is still working from home for me. It feels as though I am only 25%, sometimes 50% and sometimes 75% of myself right now (it varies throughout the day), and Mike's been putting in long hours - with the kids and household, then 8 hour days of work, and he gets to bed at 2 a.m.! So we definitely still need the extra help, and appreciate your kindness SOOOO much!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love you. It's wonderful to hear how you're doing and I'm praying for more encouragement to come your way. Way tinier crosses have caused me to give in to despair and I know I'd be having a way harder time of staying joyful than you are, so I commend you and admire you, dear sister! Way to go! Love ya, Naomi